busy busy busy
What a week! My home and work life are continuous challenges, both continue challenging me to be a better human being and a better christian. There doesn't seem to be an end to fixing my problems at work, God has not spoken clearly to me about whether I should look for another job or stay put. So at the moment I'm staying and seeking guidance and strength. Praise the Lord.
On Wednesday evening I had terrible feelings in my stomach and felt sick and I kept getting the feeling that something bad was going to happen, it made me very restless and I couldn't sleep. Then my sister rang me at 1 am on Thursday morning (I was awake working on the small table), she was crying her heart out and she was very scared, and asked me to come to get her right away. At first she sounded like Sam (who was in London at the time) and I did panic a bit, and shouted down the phone "who is it?". Allan was not very amused and was very upset with me, mainly because I was going to drive all alone over to her house, when it was so late at night, to go and collect her. When I got there, there were two police cars stationed nearby, one at the front of her house and one at the back. I had prayed on my way there for her and
Ke's protection. God gave me peace in my heart, it's what I needed to calm down, and God helped me to drive safely so that I got there okay, I didn't know what was going on, because I hadn't asked. In my eagerness to get to my sisters I just put my coat on over my nightie, but then I had second thoughts because of all the things that have gone on previously. Not long after I got there the police knocked on the door, said that they had given chase to the Asian guys, but had lost them, although they did have the registration number of the car and asked if my nephew had broken their windscreen. They also tried to reassure my sister by telling her that during the night the y would drive by just to check everything was still okay. After they left we packed some clothes and got
Ke out of bed. I dropped
Coan and Tasha off home with my sisters TV and then came back to mine. Went to bed after 3.30 am. Chris couldn't sleep because she had woken up when Lyn had phoned, she was scared and worried, so she didn't go to school on Thursday or Friday. My sister went home on Friday evening before Al's brother and family arrived. I really do wish that she would move out of that area, oh the peace she would have. All of this happened on the same day a very close friend of my sister, died from cancer. Father God please bring my sister some peace into her life and give her the strength to fight for a move to a more safer environment. Amen.
On another note Allan's brother and his family arrived from Malaysia, to a continual downpour, a bit of cold weather, and with very little in the way of warm clothes to wear, So we have not done a lot with them, because they don't want to venture out into the rain. Today they are off to London for four days. I just hope that the weather improves for them. I am staying at home partly because I have to work, partly because Sam has a couple of exams, and I wanted to be home for her during this time.
Today I discovered that the roof is leaking in the kitchen above my big fridge. I have removed all the wallpaper that was full of water and hanging down and placed a bowl underneath it. Hopefully it will stop raining soon and the sun will come out. Then comes the task of asking someone to fix it and the cost.
Oh well today is the start of another fascinating week. I wonder what else God will challenge me with. On Wednesday I have volunteered to help a lady I recently met who lives in London, to get her paperwork up to date. I have never had to go on the London underground by myself before, am a little worried, maps are not my strong point, but I know God has my back so it's
cool. Coming home Thursday evening after Allan and gang have arrived home. Work Tuesday/Wednesday half day/ all day Friday.
Cute
No need to worry
Today, Lord I will remember to look to you first and foremost before I start anything. Let me trust your plans for me. Let me anticipate new beginnings-the way I'd imagine you'd want me to-as a child looks forward to a birthday gift. And, Lord once I get started, let me trust that you have my very best interests at heart, whatever the outcome, even if it's not what I expected. Thank you Lord, I pray all this in Jesus most precious name-Amen. xxx
attack
Well Friday was a horrible day, I was under attack at work. I had a big to do with a work colleague, which left me in tears and with a lot of things to think about. Even worse when Allan picked me up I cried all the way home, guess sometimes I fail to be strong. It couldnt of happened on a more inconvenient day, as I had a lot to do both at work and at home. Still now I am desperately praying that God will advise me and that I can change jobs. So many headaches and so much pain, just need some sleep I guess. Had only 3 hours Friday night after a long day and an even longer night. Praise the Lord for his Love. xx
Miracles happen
WOW...... I am kinda speechless. I just had a phone call that has left me feeling so happy. Mavis, whom I met at
Penhurst has been to the hospital, her x-ray shows that she no longer has any debris in her lungs, praise the Lord. Prayer is such a precious and powerful gift, given to us by our Father to be used unconditionally. It was the power of prayer that has made this happen. I am so glad that God heard our prayers. Thank you Father God. I am planning to go and visit her during the half term week, while Allan and his family are away.
yay a road trip, only thing is telling Allan, don't think he will be too happy, I may just tell him when he comes back :) I will pray and seek advice from my Father.
I have just finished a book called 90 minutes in heaven. It is a fabulous book, I would recommend it to anyone. Anyone who knows me can take a library ticket anytime. :p
I have been reading my journal. It has been quite revealing and sad. In March I wrote some pretty horrible dark stuff. It is amazing how quickly we can go down hill and forget what we have, and just become so irrational in
behaviour and thoughts. Logic and common sense fly out of the window. We become so full of self pity, that it feels like the whole world is collapsing around us. Why am I so vulnerable? Why am I so weak? Why can't I be strong and dependable all the time? Why can't I be happy and content? The simple answer is because I am human and live in a strange world, full of aggression and selfishness. Oh to be a bigger person. Everyday is a big blessing and everyday is a challenge. Most days I will fail my Father in some small or large way. But there are some days when it is so peaceful, and I am in my Fathers arms, it is hard to leave, to let them end.
I am learning so many things at the moment. God is taking me through so many amazing journeys, not only with Him but with many other people, of all ages and sizes :). It is so amazing seeing how God is working in others lives. Some of these people are so blind to their small blessings, that I am convinced only come from our Father, it is a real joy to be a part of that. Thank you Father for the
privilege.
I am so tired, I think I will continue this post another time, God Bless you all.
wonderful Father
Today has been a wonderful peaceful day, I am home alone at the moment, but not for much longer, so I should make the most of it. Time to have some quiet time (football on in the background, sound off, sometimes).
My Father has been doing amazing things in my life, today I received a letter while at church from a young person in Brazil that I have been praying for. We had thought this letter to be lost in the post. It is in fact dated 19/3/07. Praise God that it arrived safely. Thank you Father that you have asked me to be a support.
Today was Tessa's baptism, God was very present today in our church. God has worked through Tessa in many ways already. It has been a great priviledge to spend time with Tessa and getting to know her better. Thank you Father.
I guess I just want to say a huge thank you to God for never giving up on me, for softening my heart, for not letting me give up either. Glory be to God.
What happened?
I returned from my personal time away on a high. My encounter with God had been different, God had spoken to me in different ways, different from before. I felt God so strongly at
Crowhurst, so overwhelming, I can't explain it, I was so tearful, and full of joy. So why, now that I have returned to everyday life do I feel so low and so disconnected? Why do I feel so tearful? I had this message from someone I love very deeply...
"Its
OK don't worry, don't be sad, even if you feel tearful. Gods got your back, you are safe in His hands, what else could matter? no matter whats going on now, it will pass away, and God will remain. Find your strength in HIM. It'll be alright :) keep your chin up."
It is so true, but I have so many flaws and weaknesses, I am so far from perfect. I also now have so much to do again,
work wise, and my whole body feels like some one has been swinging me around and smashing me against a wall. I am so thankful to God for so many things and all the lessons he gives me.
God placed a lovely caring person in my heart (if only he would let it be a full time part of his life), this person is young and challenging in some ways, so intelligent that even people I know, who at 50, are not as mature in their way of thinking. He can be so
frustrating, always over analysing things to the point of death, justifying things with his own way of thinking and a need to guard himself, a sad need to be alone and people free. Refuses to let others help, (but only to a degree, thank the Lord), so as to protect himself from hurts or emotions (which he has a lot of). God put us all on earth to love and help one another, we do not have to face things alone, we have God first and foremost, God also places people around us, to help us (he has some of these to, praise the Lord that they still care even when he has hurtful things to say to them). Even when I have opposition from my husband about this person, God helps me to stand up for my actions and be bold and strong, fully supporting this person he placed in my heart to care about. God uses us to help others, I don't know why God asks me to do some things, especially when this person gives a reply I know God is telling me is wrong, I sometimes don't always do as I am asked, for this person (Father forgive me for this), which is the human side of me feeling scared and not listening. I just trust that God knows what he is doing, he is our Father, a person who loves us more than any one can. God revealed something to me about this person, the only person I can discuss it with is God. A challenge from God to keep something for however long it takes to come about. Thank you God, I love you with my whole heart, and fully trust you. Father God I thank you for everything you continue to do in this persons life, I thank you for all the little changes you can see, Father I thank you for the people that you place around him, to help him, Father I thank you for him and all his contributions to church and to others around him, some of which I don't think he has a clue about. Thank you Father for the strengths you give him, and for his weaknesses, that shows so much. Thank you for his
openness. Thank you Father and I pray that you will continue to put friends around him that care and won't let him down too often (Father that he knows friends will let him down sometimes because they are human and not perfect, that his heart will be full of forgiveness for these times), that friends will bring about more trust in you, that will soften his heart and make him feel less insecure (Father you know what these are), that he will learn that some things just are from you and need only a thank you and not a long drawn out session of why? Father I place this person into your loving arms, I ask that you will protect him at all times from
satan and remove any influences that he may have on his life. I pray all this in Jesus name, Amen.
Anyhow, I feel a little better, not so down now after blogging. Gonna go and do some of the work if I can move enough and get motivated
lol. God Bless everyone and peace be with us all soon. xxx
Personal retreat
Father God, I just want to thank you for the amazing time that I had at Penhurst and Crowhurst. I just want to thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit that was present in abundance, feeling the Holy Spirit in abundance was a very emotional thing for me, thank you Father. I thank you for the time of fellowship that we all had during mealtimes, for all the sharing with Mavis B and Jane in the comfortable lounge. Father I thank you for the safe journey to and from the retreat and for the new friendship I formed with Mavis B. Father I continue to lift Mavis into your arms, I pray that you will continue to remove the debris from her lungs via coughing, the debris that was left from a very badly performed operation, to replace her pacemaker. Father I lift her into your arms and ask that her health remains strong and that the breathlessness will subside in time. Father this woman does an amazing amount of work in the community, despite her age, thank you Father for the piece that you have already removed from her lungs yesterday, thank you for answering my prayer. Father thank you for using me to help others. Father I was surprised that you told Mavis what you had asked me to do, there wasn't a need for her to say thank you, as it was done in your name and out of love for you, but Father it helped me to know some of the things you wanted me to realise, wow u truly are awesome God. Father I would also like to lift Beryl into your loving arms, Father I pray that her pain is always manageable, that she will always be able to put on her supports with out help. Father I ask for your guidance from the Holy Spirit, for her to know what it is you desire her to do, especially now that she can no longer drive and has to rely on others and public transport to do the caring work in her elderly community, Father I pray that you will indeed give her good clear guidance at this time. Father I also want to lift Jane up into your hands, I pray that you continue to place people around her to give her the love and support she needs. It lifts your heart to see you in her, especially after losing her husband so soon after being married followed quickly by her Father. Father I lift Mavis S into your arms and ask that you give her the strength and comfort she needs to continually care for her husband who has had a stroke. Lord I pray that she will be surrounded by love and support. Father the two Mavis and Beryl are well into the 70's, so I would just like to pray that they continue to be renewed by the love that you have for them. Thank you Father for the work that you are doing in the lives of the people that they are helping. Thank you for Mavis B who works with very troubled families in one of the roughest parts of London, Father I pray for your continued protection to be on Mavis B, Mavis S, Jane and Beryl. I pray all this in Jesus most precious name, AMEN
Wow, words cannot explain the awe of being in God's presence, what a lovely retreat, peace was in abundance, it turned out to be a very revealing retreat in many ways, The presence of God was so strong totally overwhelming. The Holy Spirit did amazing things. No telly, no radio, no computers, no newspapers, a hidden telephone, and no clocks. Big comfy chairs low to the ground, high comfy beds. Lovely food prepared and cooked fresh every day. A proper sense of community. The four other guests were so different, 2 x Mavis (friends who had come together)and Beryl (all these ladies are over 70) and Jane (who is about 40). Beryl had so many stories to tell, as did the two Mavis's. They talked about the slave trade. Government issues, one of the Mavis works tirelessly for her local community in the ghetto of London. Both Mavis are Afro-Caribbean and came to England in the 50's. They had some funny stories and some sad stories, of the empire and then of ignorant people. I went there to pray and read and thats what I did. I visited the Church which was in the gardens of Penhurst, a small, old character Church. I would defenitely like to go back. Thank you Lord for loving and caring for us so much. xx
sadness and joy
Yesterday was a very strange day indeed. Going to church is so much more relaxing now, I do not feel so anxious (it is not easy letting go of insecurities, but thank the Lord that he is working on me slowly), I am learning new social skills all the time, partly by watching others (I have always been a people watcher, instead of joining in conversations) and partly because God pushes me forward. Some of my brothers and sisters come and talk to me when I sit there alone and withdrawn. It seems so much easier not to talk to anyone (another area that God is challenging me to change). I find talking to people very hard, I felt more accepted by others when William was still here in England, I do miss him. I do feel like an outsider sometimes, I think God has challenged a couple of people to try to change this feeling. Today was a challenge because I agreed to pray for others, which is funny really because I still have great difficulty praying with people, my mind empties, it's as if I have a drainage tube inserted somewhere. I have no real confidence to pray with others, but loads of it when I am on my own. Yesterday I started to make a million excuses as to why I shouldnt go to church, but God was having none of it. I am so glad he made me go to church, Ezra's message had a lot of challenges in it, which I will take with me to the retreat.
God has been calling me to have some time with him, away from my many distractions, I finally have that chance to just go and be with my Father. I am looking forward to going away on Tuesday, to a retreat with beautiful surroundings, to be away from the world and its everyday pressures of life, from the telephone and from the tv and from my work. It will be great to sit and talk to God, to challenge him with the many questions I have, not only about myself but about others in my life and people that God himself has placed in my life.
Someone God has placed in my heart (a person I previously felt intimidated by and a little scared of, all this has been replaced by a sense of peace when I am in his company), was in a very somber mood today (I just wanted to give him a great big hug). He was very withdrawn, making it hard to talk to him but also making him appear rude to those who do not know him, but that didn't deter me. He looked so sad and lost, even though I am sure this was not the case, he just needed to return to his comfort zones, its always easier to be alone, even when surrounded by others, I hope that God will be able to reach him while he is in this mood and shake him gently out of these comfort zones. I pray that he will not go backwards, but will continue to push forward, and take on the challenges that God has indeed placed in his heart and mind, to integrate with more and more people on all levels, and to analyse them less. I pray that all his past hurts and loniness will be healed to allow him to grow and feel more of what God wants him to feel, to live as a child of God fully opened and not hide behind anything, I pray that he will want to seek others and not sit back and wait for them to seek him. It is wonderful how we see God working in others. I have definetly seen God's work in this person. Thank you Father.
Another person that God has definetly challenged me with knowing, was having a very hard time of it, although thank the Lord, he is making positive moves forward, and knows in his mind what he needs to do. It has been great to see the way God has spoken to him of late. I do worry about him though, because he is surrounded by non-christians, and there advice is based on the ways of the world and not on God or biblical references. I pray for protection from satan and any influences he has in his life to be removed in Jesus name. God has been gracious. I made a few mistakes and may have given wrong advise, but God is guiding me so I do not fear any attacks again from the devil.
Oh well I will have to stop now because I need to get a lot of work done before my retreat tomorrow. God bless you all.
wonderful world
My walk with you my Father has been one of many ups and downs, more downs than ups, of many continuous attacks from the devil, especially after I was baptised. There were a couple of times when I felt like giving up and thought "why should I continue down this road? Its too hard! It would be so much easier to just live in this cruel world". I am so glad that I resisted the temptation to fall back into the way of the world, oh there have been times when I haven't been all I should be in your eyes, I have let you down, but you have forgiven me. Being the Father that you are, you have not let me down, God my Father you have continued to love me unconditionally. I am thankful that you continue to make me wait for answers, you have disciplined me. you have opened my eyes to my mistakes, thank you Father for all that you have done and continue to do, as painful as it has sometimes been. you have been healing my many childhood and adult hurts. You saved my life when I was suicidal and my marriage from failure. You have been changing my attitudes. Believe me when I say I know it is still not finished. I know that we have a very long way to go, so many things that still need to be resolved, remembered and submitted into your hands. I surrender myself to you and I know that I am not alone because we are doing this together and you are helping me along the way. Thank you Father, for all the people you have put on my path to help me, to guide me and to comfort me. Thank you for teaching me how to forgive, thank you Father for the peace you continuosly instil in my heart, God you are truly amazing and I love you.
God has done so many things for me when I have asked him to. He has healed sick people around me, my husband, my children, even myself. He continues to guide me and challenge me daily. Even though I fall down, you keep helping me to get back up. Father God you are so awesome.
Thank you my father in Heaven.
1 Peter 1:5 And through your faith, God is protecting you by his power until you receive this salvation , which is ready to be revealed on the last day for all to see.
