help
Over the past year, God has been working hard in my life, asking me to step out of comfort zones, helping me to grow, helping me to heal. I have learnt more than I realised. I know what Gods path for my life is, he is working in all the areas I need to improve in, placing wonderful people around me to guide and support me. The hardest thing though, has been my ability to stay focused in the midst of Satan and his attacks on my life. Today I finally realised that Jesus is Lord. Satan has no power in my life. He can whisper whatever he likes, I am not going to listen anymore. I know that I will have to ask for help from Jesus in this, I am fully confident and focused that Jesus will take the walks with me to fight against Satan and Satan will not win. Jesus has already won, so what is there to stress out about. My friend told me that fear stands for false evidence appearing real, how very true. I am going to be very focused on my saviour and give praise for my many blessings. Thank you God for sending your son, to die for my sins, so I can be reconciled with my father. Praise the Lord. Amen
an all out attack, praise the Lord
This week has been one of the lowest points in my life. I felt all alone but was scared to be left on my own, I felt unable to cope with the simplest of tasks, like getting up, I felt abandoned utterly and completely, I felt angry, a real deep anger (that I have never felt before) that went to my very core, an anger that I didn't fully understand, where had it come from? I was very tearful, just drinking a cup of tea would see me want to cry. I was so tired mentally and physically, my brain was in overdrive, I felt so heavy, I had no one to talk to (because I don't like to burden others, I just like to help and listen) and it felt like I just couldn't cope with anything, every one was so negative towards me, they didn't understand, oh Sue's having one of her "woe is me days", everyone was too busy to notice that it was not a woe is me day, this was very different, no one could see how unhappy I was, that i was having a crisis, a nervous breakdown, or so I thought, I was under attack. During this attack, the anger held me as a total prisoner. I could not focus on God, every time I tried to think about God, God seemed further away, it took away my ability to think, all of my normal reasoning left me, it robbed me of my gentleness, my understanding and my caring nature went out the window to be replaced with wickedness, it made me see all things in a very selfish way for a small period of time. The feeling was very dark indeed, I need to pray to God that I will not be attacked like this again, there was a reason and a purpose for this experience, that God allowed me to feel for that short period of time, thank you Father, I pray that I will have full understanding of this in years to come.
Exodus 14:14 (a verse given to me) The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.
I have so much to be thankful to God for. On the worst days when I was so scared to be left alone, God gave Allan the patience and caring to understand and not be annoyed at my weakness. Thank you Father. Being so angry saw me being mean and horrible to people. I could hear myself saying hurtful and unreasonable things, but I couldn't stop myself. Rage flew out of me uncontrollably. By the time God helped me to stop all this from continuing, I felt as though I'd come through a major operation and my life had just been saved, I still feel a little weak and weary on the inside but I know I am getting stronger every minute, I felt empty, numb and raw, but in a more peaceful way. Feeling that kind of anger is so heavy. Its like your body has huge lead weights inside. God removed them very quickly. He used Sam to reason with my mind, to plant new seeds. He used Lei to show me caring and understanding. How awesome is our God.
In my life I have known much pain and sadness, and a lot of heaviness because of this, I now realise that not all the sadness I feel or felt was my own, but it is from others around me. The Lord is amazing in the way he uses us to help others. We all have such different gifts. I am so grateful to God my Father for the things he shows me, for the suffering I have endured in my life, all of which God uses today through me to help others. God is my strength, my driving force, with out whom I may have killed myself needlessly a couple of years ago. He has always been faithful, caring and loving towards me throughout my whole life, my rock. Thank you Father, you are so awesome, in a way no one will be able to comprehend here on earth.
We are studying Acts in our bible study group, it is amazing how Paul remains so faithful and convicted to do what God has asked him to do in Jesus name, even through all the sufferings he endured along the way. He remained focused completely on his task. He trusted God to guide him through the Holy Spirit in all of the situations that arose and to take care of him, he never had any doubts. It is wonderful to see how God helped Paul, the people he placed on his path to protect him from the evil around him. Today we live in different times, but really are they so different? Sure we have more mod cons, we have television and radios etc.. for better communication. But after all of these things, we still have a high element of evil in our world. A high element of greed and selfishness, you read about corruption and evil doings in some churches, we all have fear inside us I guess, a fear of completely letting go and fully relying on God 100%, we are scared of failing. Only God knows the reasons behind all this. It would be awesome if a lot more of us had Paul's conviction for doing God's work. I am not saying that we don't have any people in this world now, who are like Paul, because I know God has placed some around the world. Just that it would be awesome if we all had this strength to go out and evangelise, without fear. God has given us all the choice of path we want to walk along. Powerful word CHOICE.
All who are thirsty, all who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow
be washed away
In waves of his mercy
as deep cries out to deep (we sing)
Come Lord Jesus come x4
Holy Spirit Come x 3
Satan has no hold on me at all, as I was bought with the blood of Jesus Christ, who died on the cross, so that I can have freedom and live. He knows this, so he does whatever he can to distract me and persecute me. But Jesus is triumphant. "And my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name". Amen xx
thank you my wonderful father
Well a huge amount has happened since I last blogged, I thought about what someone else had written, that really what is the point of writing? well to praise the lord, to maybe be an inspiration to others, to offer helpful insights to the way others think, the list is endless but who knows.....
We have had visitors from Malaysia, Allan's brother and his wife and two sons, one of the cutest little boys I have ever met, oh how I miss his singing and silliness. Freddie and Shin arrived with the biggest suitcases I have ever seen. Which were too big to go upstairs, so we had to leave them downstairs in our very small and cluttered front room. After arriving, a couple of days later, they all went off to London with Allan and Chrissy for four days. Sam and I stayed at home because Sam was revising and taking exams and had other stuff to do, a nice bit of peace and quiet. They took some really good pictures in Madame Tussuad's.
When they came back from London, I went off to a woman's conference in Bradford. I have never felt so much sadness in one room. The burden felt heavy on my heart. A lot of challenges were sent out to us all at that conference. Which reminds me I need to write my story and send it to Cherish. If only I knew where to start and when to stop lol. I have a lot to say. I came back from Bradford very late on Wednesday evening, thanks to my Father, who helped me to stay awake whilst driving. The previous night I had only 2 hours sleep. I never really went to sleep. As soon as I got up I prayed to my Father to ask him to help me through the day, which was going to be very long and very hot. Our conference started at 9 30am and finished 10.20pm, with an afternoon trip to salt mills. It finished much later than the previous year because delirious(spelling is not my strong point) were there leading worship, both before and after our speakers, which was electric. I have never experienced worship as wonderful as it is in Bradford, they have a choir made up of ppl of all ages. The Abundant Life Church is a church that I would love to attend every week, if only all churches were like this one. They run a year long course, which if I was younger and didn't have so many responsibilities, I would definitely go on.
On the Thursday I went into work for only a short period of time to do the weekly wages, Sam needed me to take her around to buy some more clothes and stuff for her up and coming trip. On the Friday we drove to West Wales. I really love this part of Wales, when I don't have to drive, there are too many winding roads up and down the mountains with sheer drops on one side. The journey is so beautiful. Our God is so good, we all arrived there safely. The caravan we stayed in was new, praise God, as Freddie is so particular about cleanliness. When we arrived there was a man who asked for his money back because he claimed the caravan they had assigned him was very smelly and dirty. Thank you Lord for our clean and new caravan. We drove home again on the Monday, by which time I was not feeling too well, we stopped at bets-y-coed, I had a couple of hours sleep in the car while the others went off to see the falls. Tired I guess and caught Chrissy's bug she was having.
God has been working in my life a lot lately, and using me to help others in so many different ways. God has been waking me up to pray for people, God even gave me a message for a young man during a woman's conference. Our God is so awesome, and I love his sense of humour. Thank you Lord for all that you have done in my life. For the bad as well as the good. For all the things you have taught me.
I have been having a few problems at work, God asked me to stay there, I so desperately wanted to leave, I thank him for making me stay, as he has shown me many different characteristics in my personality that can only make me stronger in the long run. He has taught me to think before I speak or react, wow a miracle in itself, to be obedient to God and to trust him more.
Well I think I will have to continue this later as I need to catch up on some missed sleep :P
busy busy busy
What a week! My home and work life are continuous challenges, both continue challenging me to be a better human being and a better christian. There doesn't seem to be an end to fixing my problems at work, God has not spoken clearly to me about whether I should look for another job or stay put. So at the moment I'm staying and seeking guidance and strength. Praise the Lord.
On Wednesday evening I had terrible feelings in my stomach and felt sick and I kept getting the feeling that something bad was going to happen, it made me very restless and I couldn't sleep. Then my sister rang me at 1 am on Thursday morning (I was awake working on the small table), she was crying her heart out and she was very scared, and asked me to come to get her right away. At first she sounded like Sam (who was in London at the time) and I did panic a bit, and shouted down the phone "who is it?". Allan was not very amused and was very upset with me, mainly because I was going to drive all alone over to her house, when it was so late at night, to go and collect her. When I got there, there were two police cars stationed nearby, one at the front of her house and one at the back. I had prayed on my way there for her and
Ke's protection. God gave me peace in my heart, it's what I needed to calm down, and God helped me to drive safely so that I got there okay, I didn't know what was going on, because I hadn't asked. In my eagerness to get to my sisters I just put my coat on over my nightie, but then I had second thoughts because of all the things that have gone on previously. Not long after I got there the police knocked on the door, said that they had given chase to the Asian guys, but had lost them, although they did have the registration number of the car and asked if my nephew had broken their windscreen. They also tried to reassure my sister by telling her that during the night the y would drive by just to check everything was still okay. After they left we packed some clothes and got
Ke out of bed. I dropped
Coan and Tasha off home with my sisters TV and then came back to mine. Went to bed after 3.30 am. Chris couldn't sleep because she had woken up when Lyn had phoned, she was scared and worried, so she didn't go to school on Thursday or Friday. My sister went home on Friday evening before Al's brother and family arrived. I really do wish that she would move out of that area, oh the peace she would have. All of this happened on the same day a very close friend of my sister, died from cancer. Father God please bring my sister some peace into her life and give her the strength to fight for a move to a more safer environment. Amen.
On another note Allan's brother and his family arrived from Malaysia, to a continual downpour, a bit of cold weather, and with very little in the way of warm clothes to wear, So we have not done a lot with them, because they don't want to venture out into the rain. Today they are off to London for four days. I just hope that the weather improves for them. I am staying at home partly because I have to work, partly because Sam has a couple of exams, and I wanted to be home for her during this time.
Today I discovered that the roof is leaking in the kitchen above my big fridge. I have removed all the wallpaper that was full of water and hanging down and placed a bowl underneath it. Hopefully it will stop raining soon and the sun will come out. Then comes the task of asking someone to fix it and the cost.
Oh well today is the start of another fascinating week. I wonder what else God will challenge me with. On Wednesday I have volunteered to help a lady I recently met who lives in London, to get her paperwork up to date. I have never had to go on the London underground by myself before, am a little worried, maps are not my strong point, but I know God has my back so it's
cool. Coming home Thursday evening after Allan and gang have arrived home. Work Tuesday/Wednesday half day/ all day Friday.
Cute
No need to worry
Today, Lord I will remember to look to you first and foremost before I start anything. Let me trust your plans for me. Let me anticipate new beginnings-the way I'd imagine you'd want me to-as a child looks forward to a birthday gift. And, Lord once I get started, let me trust that you have my very best interests at heart, whatever the outcome, even if it's not what I expected. Thank you Lord, I pray all this in Jesus most precious name-Amen. xxx
attack
Well Friday was a horrible day, I was under attack at work. I had a big to do with a work colleague, which left me in tears and with a lot of things to think about. Even worse when Allan picked me up I cried all the way home, guess sometimes I fail to be strong. It couldnt of happened on a more inconvenient day, as I had a lot to do both at work and at home. Still now I am desperately praying that God will advise me and that I can change jobs. So many headaches and so much pain, just need some sleep I guess. Had only 3 hours Friday night after a long day and an even longer night. Praise the Lord for his Love. xx
